Real Life Pirates are probably lonely and scared

Pirates look really cool in the movies, but I think Real Life Pirates are probably lonely and misunderstood, like teenagers supposedly are. Maybe that is how all the Real Life Pirates started out, as teenagers, and then they became misunderstood and looked for ways to express their feelings and started carving ladders and welding grappling hooks, like how sad artists paint paintings and lonely writers write novels. Maybe right after they climb up their ladders, or pull themselves over the side with rope, right when they set foot on the foreign deck, maybe then they try to explain their life stories to the sailors, to someone new who comes from a different way of life and might be able to share sympathy. But of course the pirates are speaking in a different language and the sailors get really frightened and start shooting and yelling, and the pirates have to duck behind crates and there are smoke and explosions. This is probably the part you would see in movies, the part after the pirates try to explain themselves and the sailors run around with guns and scared faces.

This is what it probably what it really looks like when pirates come aboard. New pirates are probably real scared.

This is what it probably what it really looks like when pirates come aboard. New pirates are probably real scared.

I  guess Real Life Pirates have pretty bad lives because they do not live in a country where there are laws and police and courts. Also there are probably not any supermarkets to get fresh produce like lettuce or apples because if there was one, people would come and take all the lettuce and apples and no one would stop them because there are no laws or police or courts, and they could just hide in a basement with them and people would forget about whoever it was that stole the lettuce and apples, because someone else would be taking carrots and tomatoes down the street at a different supermarket. Without fresh produce and vegetables, it is probably really hard to have a baby and raise the baby into a child and raise the child into an adult. The whole time they would be like, “Mommy, I’m hungry. Why don’t we have any apples or carrots or tomatoes to eat?” which could be really sad for the mother and also probably annoying because children can get annoying. Then because it is so hard to raise babies and children, a lot of people probably don’t have any. And because there aren’t a lot of babies and children, there are probably not a lot of people after this happens for 20 years, which is how long the pirate country has not had laws or police or courts. Without all these people in existence, walking around and talking in pirate country, Real Life Pirates would get lonely.

A pirate that stole lettuce and apples and is waiting for people to forget that he stole lettuce and apples.

Lonely pirates would seek excitement and companions. This is probably why they take up pirating and go around on the high seas with ladders and grappling hooks that they made. I bet the pirates who have the coolest ladders are probably the most popular and have a lot of friends. Then someone shows up with a pointy grappling hook and they’re all like, “Wow, nice grappling hook!” and they learn to make grappling hooks. Also this would explain why pirates have parrots, because pirates’ parrots are like kittens to older ladies who live by themselves. I’m not sure if Real Life Pirates have parrots though, because in any pictures of Real Life Pirates, like when they got captured, I have not seen any parrots. I bet when Real Life Pirates get captured they whisper to their parrot to fly away, and it’s probably really emotional for the pirate and the parrot.

Pirates sit around and wait for ships to drive by. It might get boring waiting for ships to go by, which probably doesn’t help the pirates’ loneliness, being out in the middle of the ocean and surrounded only by water. But at least they have pirate friends. Then when they finally see a little dot on the horizon (a ship coming by) they get really excited and anxious. It’s probably really intense right at that moment, when they aren’t sure if the sailors on the ship will understand them and communicate with them. Then when the ship finally gets close they throw their ladders and grappling hooks at the ship. When they’re climbing up the sailors probably start freaking out and start shooting, and then the pirates start freaking out and start shooting. I bet it’s real scary right at that moment, but maybe it is better than loneliness?

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  1. erin
    Posted May 8, 2009 at 11:42 am | Permalink

    Actual real life pirates were socialists… they would not steal produce from each other because they knew they had to work together for the good of their society, which was arranged with interdependence and equality in mind. In cyclical indigenious cultures (cyclical meaning they lived in cycles, versus a linear history marked by war and empires) tribes are often made up in sections responsible for different things – i.e. a group to hunt, a group to make pottery and clothing, a group to take care of the elderly, a group to deal with spiritual matters, etc. In a much smaller scale, this is like living with roommates: there are chores to be done for the upkeep of the house, yet it is important to trust each other enough that one will not steal your things. Nor would you determine one of the roommates as metaphorical “house king.” Obviously in our American society, people do not trust and depend on each other, but America is a capitalist state, and so money and higher positions are the goal. We are taught to compete against each other, rather than work together and and rely on each other like pirate communities.

  2. Frank
    Posted May 12, 2009 at 10:12 am | Permalink

    I remember reading that the ‘grocery stores’ on ‘pirate island’ Somalia are full of very inflated prices that the pirates put up with. Why do they put up with the inflated prices if they are pirates and can just shoot up the grocery store? Maybe because the grocery store owners would be scared and flee. Is this an example of socialism or capitalism?

  3. erin
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 2:33 pm | Permalink

    I once (as in the other day) read,
    that free thoughts are potentially more dangerous than bank robbers, because
    “a least a bank robber shares masa’s respect for masa’s money.”

    In capitalism one tries to get as much as possible for oneself… Robbing a store is the same concept… but now instead of business suits and slogans they are wearing ski masks…

  4. erin
    Posted May 15, 2009 at 2:35 pm | Permalink

    also FRANK…. they are obviously not concerned about the grocery store’s reasons for their prices, so why would they care if they were scared

  5. calle
    Posted May 17, 2009 at 7:27 pm | Permalink

    so if i’m lonely and scared, am i a pirate

  6. Randy
    Posted May 26, 2009 at 6:41 pm | Permalink

    The pirate from Somalia, that is here for doing his pirate deeds, is 16. His mother sent him out in the ocean, where he could drown, to steal money from ships going by. I don’t think she loves him much. He and his pirate friends had very dangerous guns, but the men on the ship didn’t have guns. They were nice people carrying food to the people of Africa who are starving. But the pirate and his pirate friends did care if the starving people of Africa had food, they just wanted the owners of the ship to pay them millions of dollars. This is extortion, a crime in all countries. The captain of the ship, a very brave honorable man agreed to a hostage of the pirate with the big dangerous guns if the pirates would not kill all the other men on his ship. For 4 days the pirate and 3 friends pointed a gun at the captain, and demanded millions of dollars from him. Finally the USA Navy had to free the good captain and arrested the stupid pirate who wanted to steal money and let the staving people in Africa die.

  7. Randy
    Posted May 26, 2009 at 7:04 pm | Permalink

    The country where the pirates live is called Somalia. It is run by Pirates who call themselves “Warlords”. These men divide the country up in territories which the Warlords have complete control, they can kill anyone they want, for any reason they want. Warlords are kind a like land pirates, they take what they want. Women have many children in Somalia, because many die or get killed by the Warlords men. Women and girls are raped by the Warlords men, and no one in Somalia cares.

    Some people in Somalia are Black Africans, some are Arabian or Arabian-black Africans. The people who are more of Arabian dissent hate the Black Africans and have killed a half a million of them, even their babies. They run the rest of them , about another half a million, out in the desert to die.

    The USA and some other countries feed these people and trys and keep the Pirate like Somalia Warlords from killing them. Because the USA is a free country, that doesn’t allow pirates to live here , farmers can grow all the food we need and still have food left to feed starving people in Africa.

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